i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
