I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
