I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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