Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
