anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
