oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
