rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Randomize
