Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
