hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
