Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize