Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
