Walk of Shame. In a state park.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
