I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
