Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
