no, he came in my armpit
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
