Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
