The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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