I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
