Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I don't think brook has ever known best
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
She's just so happy...and so naked.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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