I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
