he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Randomize
