3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize