"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
