Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize