i think i have two assholes
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
She swung at the pinata with crutches
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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