My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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