I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
