Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
