I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Terrible idea I love it
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize