Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
