you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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