He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
