U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
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