Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
