Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
