She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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