I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
