R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
