The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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