Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
