u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
