I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Randomize
