I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
