but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
