Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
they call him Oral-B. enough said
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Randomize
