are you still at the devil's house?
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
