dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize