Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
