Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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