he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Fuck appropriateness.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
