I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
we made out on top of his cat.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
