Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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