drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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