are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
