Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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