when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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