I'm really into asian looking animals
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
