I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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