in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
