unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
