im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
