there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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