captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize