I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
im on a boat
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