is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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