I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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