Michael Bay diarrhea
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
