i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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