Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
