Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Dick very happy bro
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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