playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
