Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
