Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
