Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize