the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
